My husband and I met in college my freshman year.  We were crazy about each other after just a couple of months, so we became engaged after dating for just a year.  Still having a few years of school left, however, delayed any wedding. We eloped to the Justice of the Peace at the beginning of our last year, which was 1999.  We’ve been married 20 years. TWENTY YEARS. That’s a long time!

 

We had a great first 10 years, but years 11-19 were tumultuous. We went through a lot. Our first daughter, Francesca, died at only 3 weeks old.  No one plans for that. You can’t wrap your head around it until it happens to you. My husband and I grieved differently. We grieved at different times, in different ways, and sometimes not at all (numb). This began a very dark period for us that lasted almost exactly 10 years.  My addict came out in full force about every 2-3 years during this time, nearly sending my husband to the brink of insanity (with me). We began professional therapy the month after Francesca died and continued over that 10 years when needed, which was often. Our therapist helped us significantly. 

 

We’re surprised we’re still together too. Ha, ha. But we are because we actively choose to be together daily. I’ll share what works for us (and didn’t/doesn’t), and I’m sure Adam will want to chime in from time to time too.